The Language of Love

By Rhiannon Francis

"Sergeant Pepper's Lonely, Sergeant Pepper's lonely" – The Beetles.

 

Ever read through the lonely hearts adverts in the back of the newspaper and thought... are people for real? Ever considered the differences in men and women's language in the adverts? Well I haven't until now, when I noticed a few interesting differences in the lexical fields and language men and women use in the adverts to make themselves 'appealing' to the opposite sex. You wouldn't think the whole 'men are from Mars women are from Venus' metaphor to really mean anything until you dive into the world of language and surprise ourselves.

With men and women's language as a whole in social situations do we actually use different language to our differing gender, to please each other; from my research I pose the theory that language and communication mean more to women than to men, men's goals in using language tends to include facts and statements whereas women prefer to include people, interests, and feelings' men aims tend to be about getting things done, using Professor Tannen's gender theory I put these to the test of dating adverts.

 

The pairing of Tannen's that most likely occurred throughout the adverts was that of "intimacy vs independence" in the lonely hears ads women use statements such as "spend quality time together" and "fall in love with" (Friday ads adverts 4070078 and 4070794) using the intimacy part of Tannen's theory their lexical fields are based on 'love' and 'togetherness' much what you would expect from a women, however this is then contrasted with the independence of men using statements such as "looking for attractive female any age, seeking fun" and "looking for someone to have fun times with" (Friday ads adverts 406297 and 406298) showing that men are looking out for themselves, independence. Using 'fun' as an adjective they are accentuating the fact this is not serious business no no, unlike the women's choice of "love" and "together" closely paired with synonyms of attachment and affection, it is clear that the adverts are divided through the language used.

This follows onto research by Lakoff the theory that "women use more empty adjectives"  this is most certainly demonstrated throughout lonely hearts adverts as women want to make themselves look as interesting and as attractive as they can. They use adjectives such as "genuine" (Friday ads-advert 407015) and "nice" the aim of these are based on looks and personality what they think men are looking for men on the other hand feel no need to include such adjectives they list and get straight to the point "blue eyes, brown hair,. 35" (Friday ads- advert 07109) this links back to my earlier point of 'mens aims being about getting things done' I think this is a perfect example of where this is replicated, there are no empty adjectives or lexical fields of love it is simple language getting straight to the point.

 

This is where men's authority in language also takes place as they do not feel the need to communicate with wasted language, this brings me onto Proffessor Robin Dunbars research of themes I men's language and what they find important in dating adverts and how this differs to women. He researched over 1000 lonely hearts adverts and from them deciphered men and women's language into categories and henceforth importance:

Men's:                                                                                              Women's:

1.  Attractiveness                                                                           1.) commitment

2.  Commitment                                                                             2.) social skills

3.  Social skills                                                                              3.) resources

4.  Resources                                                                                4.) attractiveness

5.  Sexiness                                                                                   5.) sexiness

(bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/articles/lonelyhearts.shtml)

This research theory again links into Tannen's pairings of intimacy vs independence. Women's goals in their language in the adverts suggest commitment is number one priority and mens therefore suggests the independence the fact they rate attractiveness so highly in the language of their advert.

 

Henceforth men and women's language used in the dating adverts does differ just as their language does in social situations and conversations its the goals of each gender is to what fires these differences in both.