Don't Ever Call Me 'Doll'

'Then he took me in his arms and called me a blessed little goose...' The Yellow Wall Paper, by Charlotte Perkins Gillman, entry 2.

Endearment; (noun) a word or phrase expressing love or affection: a term of endearment. They can range from something generic, like 'love', to something completely personal, like 'angel cakes'. It's a given that throughout a relationship - even merely a platonic one, in many cases - you're going to slip into this habit. The other half of your relationship will do something nice, and you'll tack 'love' onto the end of your thanks without even thinking about it. When referring to someone, instead of just simply stating their name, you might call them 'the ever-delightful' such and such. It's different from pet names, which people actively take time deciding over and usually come down to one result with which both of you are comfortable - or at least, you usually both are. Terms of endearment can range from 'dear' to 'angel face', and can often get progressively more silly; and, of course, are sexist.

'What?' you cry, clutching your wounded soul close and trying to salvage the good personal opinion you had of yourself before I told you every time you call someone 'love' you're being sexist.

'But calling a friend or boy/girlfriend 'love' is understandable,' you explain desperately. 'You love them, and it slips through naturally because as human beings we're social creatures; expressing the way you feel for someone by calling them 'love' comes naturally.'

So, calling someone 'love' isn't sexist?

 But there are exceptions, surely! Walking down the street, you don't expect some unknown person to call you 'love'. They don't know you - or at least you hope they don't - you don't know them, and you therefore don't love them. Nor should they you, as for all they know you could be an axe murderer looking for a new victim.

So, it's fine when you know the person; it's only when it's a stranger who is calling you love that it becomes sexist and insulting.

Well, okay; we'll broaden the spectrum to people who aim to be mocking or patronising when tacking 'love' or 'sweetie' on the end of a sentence.

But why?

Why is calling someone 'love' or 'sweetie' thought of as sexist under any circumstance?

In 'Mastering advanced English language', Sara Thorne talks about terms of endearment; and broadens her explanation of it to include specific terms of address.

'Many words belittle women, making them seem no more than sexual objects. Although meant to be friendly, in a formal context words like love and dear can be offensive since they suggest women do not have equal status with men. Other informal terms of address like chick, doll and bird also equate women with sexual objects. Where the words master and mistress were originally equivalents, the male term has gained far greater prestige. It is now used in a much wider sense -  its connotations are positive, suggesting competence, authority and skill. Those associated with mistress on the other hand, are now negative - its field of reference had become narrower until it is primarily associated with sexuality and illicit affairs.'

Personally I don't see chicks and birds as sexual objects; but that's beside the point.

This puts across nicely my earlier point; that, apparently, calling a woman anything other than her name is sexist.

But it still doesn't explain why.

Is it the pronunciation of these words? Does the increased presence of diphthongs - which I've found to happen with terms of address reserved for women - have a naturally offensive and sexist noise?

Is it the mere fact that these words are distinctly feminine? No one accuses someone of being sexist when calling someone by a 'masculine' term, like 'mate'.

But then, men are least likely to call anyone sexist for calling them 'dear'; so maybe it's just something about female views.

As a teenage girl, I can understand the feeling; having 'alright, love?' shouted at you across the street - often followed by a wolf whistle, that oh-so-original method of attracting the opposite sex - is never exactly pleasant. But the idea that terms of endearment should be written off just because they're misused now and then is ridiculous. Nine times out of ten - whether they're taken that way or not - the purpose of calling someone by a term of endearment is, by definition, to endear the other person to you.

Theorists discussing this subject are few and far between, and I like to remain pleasantly neutral.

But in the words of Lola Bunny; don't ever call me 'doll'.

Caitlin Pickett