Male Vs. Female Language

The age old question heard in every household being yelled from the lungs of an exhausted woman; 'why do you never listen?!?'

One significant difference between the genders is that women talk almost three times as much as men, with the average woman speaking up to 20,000 words in a day - 13,000 more than the average man... No wonder they don't listen to everything we say!

Linguists have devised different theories and countless self help books have been published based on improving communication between the two genders.

Researchers such as Deborah Tannen, author of You Just Don't Understand, and John Gray, author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, have topped the bestseller lists on both sides of the world.

Theorist Robin Lakoff stated that women use phatic (empty) language, use super polite forms and lack sense of humour. She also said women tend to use more standard or 'prestige' language features and men more vernacular (standard native) language features. These are an example of a few of the linguistic features she put forward that differed from the language of her 'superiors'.  Her findings set a foundation for a huge amount of research concerning women's language and that it reflects there inferior status in society, although this view is generally seen as outdated.

The theory of dominance appears to be one that is easier to swallow. Historically the dominant gender of society has been male and they use 'powerful' language to express this role such as interruptions. The powerless language exhibited by women seems to originate from their treatment of inferiority.

Another alternative theory of Difference suggests, quite simply, there is a male and female 'genderlect' which is a variation of English specific to each gender. This theory is said to have originated from cultural differences, not from power. Deborah Tannen refined the genderlects into five key contrasts not unlike Lakoffs proposal.

The five points are:

1.       Language and communication matter more to woman than to men; women talk more than men.

2.       Women are more verbally skilled than men.

3.       Men's goal in language use tends to be focused on getting things done, finding a solution, whereas women tend to be focused on making connections with other people. Men are more factual and women are more emotional.

4.       Men's use of language is competitive, reflecting their interest of acquiring and maintaining status; women's use of language is cooperative, reflecting their preference of equality and harmony.

5.       These differences lead to 'miscommunication' between the sexes, with each sex misinterpreting the opposite's intentions. This raises issues in situations of regular interactions between men and women, and especially in heterosexual relationships.

Joelle Cornwall